Sadhbh

Ok guys, I'm posting this fan fiction for Sadhbh, because she doesn't want to give me her email address :P
So here is PART ONE.
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"Twilight! Stop!"
Iris Blackflower groaned.
"Sorry guys!" she wrote to the other bloggers. "
That's the was the new cat, Twilight, that I got last week.
 He's gorgeous and follows me everywhere!
Though he has a knack for getting in the way, as you can see!"

Iris picked Twilight up and got out to put him out.
Suddenly there was a screech and Twilight jumped down.
Except, Twilight wasn't a cat anymore.
Where Twilight had jumped to, there now was a scrawny teenage boy,
who looked weak enough and slightly nervous.

Iris gasped.
Twilight- the boy -had jumped to his feet and was pullin a knife from his trouser pocket.

"Hello Miss BlackFlower" He began in a nasal voice,
" I'm just gonna take you away, with me now. " The boy sneered.
" So you just stand still-" Iris quickly lashed out with her foot.The boy keeled over, cluchting his ribs.
Iris blinked. She hadn't even hit him hard.
She kicked his hand and bent down to pick up his knife.
The boy jumped up and swung a clumsy punch. Iris dodged and punched him in the belly.
The boy made a weak attempt at kicking her shins but she just jumped over them and landed on his legs.
There was a crunch, then a thud, as the boy hit the ground and fainted.
Just then a section of the wall, near the door, caved in. In the hole stood Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant.
"I think we've missed the door." Valkyrie said in a loud whisper to Skulduggery.
"Yes," Skulduggery replied. Yes we have."

Iris blinked.

Skulduggery stood up, walking in, as music played, making a grand entrance - which was cut short when he tripped on his shoelace.

''I told, always tie your shoelace.'' Smiled Valkyrie, as Skulduggery got up, and tied his shoelace.
He scowled at Valkyrie ''Once,'' He grumbled, '' Just once..''

Iris blinked.

''You know,'' said Skulduggery, straightening up and dusting down his jacket, ''I understand you never saw a talking, walking, dead man, but really, you do blink alot.''

Immeditaly Valkyrie burst into song, singing the chorus of Dead Man Walking.
ISkulduggery had eyes to roll, he would have rolled them. ''Honestly'' He began ''Ever since Fletcher gave you that Script CD...''

Iris blinked again.

Skulduggery was about to start again, about Iris blinking when Valkyrie pointed out that Skulduggery didn't NEED to blink, he couldn't, so he shouldn't give out about Iris. '' I mean, dust can't get into yer eyes - you don't have any - and they don't get dry, AND, you don't have eyelids anyway, so you shouldn't give out about Iris. She blinks just as much as me, AND, she's probaly just shocked to see a talking, walking, dead man.'' Valkyrie pointed out, going on to sing dead man walking.

Iris blinked again.

Skulduggery sighed. ''I know your surprised to see a skeleton, and Valkyrie's singing is TERRIBLE, but really? Is this blinking neccasery?''

''Actually, you aren't the first skeleton I ever met. I know Ol' Billy over the road. Sorry for bursting your bubble!''

''Ah. But then why all the blinking?''

''Ha! Sorry, it's just... your...your hat look so weird. Have you looked in the mirror recenty?''

Valkyrie grinned.

''WHAT? WHATS WRONG WITH MY PRECIOUS HAT? IS SHE FLAT?!?!'' Skulduggery shouted, panicking.

Iris and Valkyrie burst out laughing.

''Aw, no'' Valkyrie began '' It just.. I.. I ... I swapped it for a pink one, with purple hearts and Granny's knickers on it! Oh! And a pink feather! How could I forget?''

Skulduggery yelped and tore off his hat. ''Never, again, am I gonna let that girl mind my hat...''

Iris coughed. ''Remind mind me why your here again? Actually, while your at it, you COULD explain what he's doin here. Only if you mind of course.'' Iris clicked Twilight boy.

''Well ya see... there's a New Guy in town'' Skuluduggery said. '' He's rounding up a load of assains, we think, he's a starter, and he's trying to get the best. Though, he has to work up to it.. Now he only has stupid beginners, tryin' to try their luck. he's not doing well. He's calls himself the Godmother. I know. Pathetic.''

''Didn't you say ths's guys a he?''

''Yes. That's what's so weird!''

''Ah.. who's this guy aiming at anyway?''

''We're not sure, we can't link it up yet...his killings so far include - A priest, A schoolteacher, a Guard, and, a hairdresser. Attempted - Retired couple - Old women hit the fella with a frying pan. A model. You. And a few bloggers.''

''WAIT. BLOGGERS? WHO?'' Iris yelled.

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PART TWO:

Isabella Midnight was looking under her couch, looking for her TV remote when she heard it.
The footstep.
Silence.
The floorboard creaking.
The muttered curse.

Isabella jumped up and spun round just as someone made a grab for her.
She dived under her legs, and pulled herself up, just as the person spun round.

''Sanguine" Isabella hissed.
"Ms Midnight! Lovely to see you, as always. Did you do something new with your hair?'' Sanguine said.
He dived for her again razor flashing in the the musky light of the lightbulb.
Isabella sidestepped and lashed out with her foot but Sanguine was to quick for her.
He grabbed her leg, twisting it and bending it, while making a grab for her hair and pulling. Isabella screamed in agony, making a clumsy attempt at a punch.  He dropped her leg, but kept a firm grip on her hair. He got her in a headlock, and pressed the razor against her neck.

"Your lucky he wants you alive" He breathed.

And then the lights went off.
The doorbell rang.
Sanguine froze.

He dragged Isabella over to the door, razor still hard against her.
He peered through the keyhole.
Just then the person behind the door knocked the door down.
Result:  Sanguine with a broken nose and a mark the shape of a keyhole!

Dragona Pine walked in.

He glanced at the bent over figure of Sanguine. ''Oh'' Dragona said. ''Sorry mate'' He punched him in the stomach, and Sanguine groaned.
Sanguine made a clumsy swipe with his razor but instead, scratched himself.

Sanguine knew when he should make a move.
The ground started to craic.
Just then the window shattered.
A vampire was standing on the sill.

''What do you suggest we do?'' Isabella asked.

''Run.'' Dragona answered, taking out his twin kantanas.

And that's exactly what they did.